The Myth Of The Single Black Mother & Why We Are NOT The Problem With The Black Community

The Myth Of The Single Black Mother & Why We Are NOT The Problem With The Black Community

For some odd reason Black men love to blame the ills of the community on the backs of single mothers. You know, because it’s a single mothers fault that the black man can excel. It’s a single mothers fault that the black man is not accomplishing anything. It’s the black single mothers fault that there’s so many liberated women out there. Single Black woman addicted to retail…and this couldn’t be further from the truth.

All it is is a way to deflect and remove responsibility from yourself and not acknowledge the part that you play in this entire situation.

Which, is actually the bigger part of the problem...

Photo by chelsea ferenando on Unsplash

So, let's really talk about this. I mean let's get down to the nitty gritty truth of the matter and we shall see how long it takes before my inbox is flooded with made up percentages pulled from memes, links to some Youtube video shot in someone's basement talking about "How child support is running the Black family unit".

And please, do me the favor of sparing me your Dr. Umar facts and your Brother Polight teachings. I'm not interested. Save your government conspiracies and bedwench analogies because truth be told when you are talking about bedwenches you are talking about your mother and your grandmother…but I’ll leave that alone.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a whole lot of people and a plethora of phenomenally magic Black women. And the myth that single mothers are the reason that Black men are the way that they are is not only asinine but an insult [read: slap in the face] to all of the hard work, scrutiny and abuse Black women have sustained and have been subjected to on YOUR behalf.

Let me break this down for you real quick.

The average mother, and I’m going to focus solely on black mothers because we like to stay on topic around here, is not a single mother by choice. Most of the Black mothers that I know happen to be raising their children alone are doing so because they have to, it’s a necessity. Most women that I know who have children that they are raising alone had those children with men they were in a relationship with.

A lot of baby mamas, as you like to call us (but please stop because the shit is disrespectful as hell), were in long-term relationships with men [read: committed, in a relationship, married, etc]. — And just to keep this argument from coming up later we’re going to completely remove marriage from the table, because there are far more women out there who do not aspire to be married and that’s okay. And marriage is not some Keepsake that promises that you were going to be happy for the rest of your life. But that’s a whole ‘nother topic.

The average woman who has children had children with a man she believed was going to be around. She was made promises of long-term commitment, gaslighted and strung along by (GASPPPPPPP) the man she was with and when the relationship dissolved so did his membership to daddyville. See, a lot of men for some reason seem to think that when his relationship with the woman ends so does his relationship with his children. He goes and he gets into another relationship with another woman and begins to raise her kids (or have more babies before he leaves her too) and then when the mother of his children decides to put you on child support because you’re going to pay me what you owe, all of a sudden she’s labeled as bitter, spiteful, or she’s just mad because I don’t want her anymore. And I can guarantee you that most women don’t care about you. — And again just so this argument doesn’t come up we’re not talking about the women who abuse child support or don’t take care of their children, excetera excetera because I know that’s coming next. Blah, blah, blah…

Don’t deflect from the topic, stay on task.

The reason why there is such a high number of single mothers running around in the Black community is because there’s a high number of aint shit Negroes in the black community and that’s just the easy way to put it. Harsh? Yep, but it’s the reality and I know how much y’all hate real life talk. Y’all don’t want to hear that studies have proven, repeatedly, that even in bi-rational homes where the mothers are single parents, the average non-WOC who has a bi-racial child with no father around or involved had said child with a Black man. But it’s just Black women who are the problems, right?

I know more women who would be happy with him just coming to pick up the child on the weekends. Something as simple as getting school uniforms for school clothes for the new school year is a task.

If you want to see an improvement in the black community and you want to see more fathers be active in their children’s lives stop antagonizing Black women/WOC and placing blame on our shoulders. Pull your brethren to the side and tell him to get his shit together and be a father to his children. Tell him those rims can wait, his baby cant.

Tell him that maybe if he were ACTIVE and took care of his responsibilities child support wouldn’t be an issue.

Instead of worrying about a woman’s twat count, or what kind of clothes she has in her closet, her legal right to consent or what she brings to the table, focus on you raising your son or helping her raise your son. If you have a problem with the lessons that she is teaching him, then YOU take your son and you raise him (hopefully you raise him to respect a woman at all times not just when convenient). Contrary to popular belief, it is a lot easier these days for men to get custody of their kids. So the argument that the system is rigged to keep father’s away from their children is flawed. I know a lot of single fathers who have full custody of their children. You are just full of excuses.

Let’s also talk about this idea that if a woman has more than one father to her children that all of a sudden that makes her some kind of her, and she’s all of a sudden irresponsible and a bad mother or a bad woman.

Cut the BS.

We’re going to ignore the fact for now that a good majority of men that like to throw this and a woman’s face are children of mothers who have multiple fathers for their own children.


1. Most women have their first child young, somewhere between the ages of 18 and 24…and before you start please note they wouldn’t be mothers without the “man”

2. Unless a woman marries that child’s father and stays with him for the rest of her life, chances are she will have another child and that child will be fathered by another man.

Get over it…

We won’t mention the fact that a lot of you men that are complaining and have something to say are fathers of multiple children with multiple women.

That you barely see or dont see at all because according to you, she refuses to allow you the opportunity to see and/or be involved with your child's life. For egos sake, we are going to pretend as if courts all over the United States have not been granting father's more rights than ever before. In the last 20 years we have seen the percentage of single fathers and fathers winning custody of their children increase significantly. If visitation was an issue, what is your excuse?

Y’all so full of it.

Owner of Love My Black, LLC + Eighty5OH8 -Award Winning Blogger/Author | Viral Troublemaker | Mother of One | Brand and PR strategist